Now, I know what you're thinking: "Seriously? A Star Wars Geek. You didn't have the slightest inkling that that wasn't going to end well?"
Well, in my defense, this gentleman is SO much more than a Star Wars Geek. And I'm a bit of a geek myself, so I figured this had the potential to be a match made in Sci Fi heaven!
Star Wars Frog was yet another eHarmony conquest, and he seemed perfect on paper- an older, relatively attractive (albeit short) Jewish documentary film maker with family money. On the phone, he sounded extremely intelligent and had an adorable stutter. (Yes, gentlemen who stutter- girls think it's adorable!)
The trouble began when I texted that I would be about 10 minutes late, as my train was deciding to take its good sweet time showing up.
When I finally arrived (exactly 10 minutes late), I walked over to the table to find that Star Wars Frog had his napkin tucked into his shirt and was nearly finished eating his salad. When he saw me, he was gracious enough to drop his fork momentarily to shake my hand and offer this charming statement:
"So, I already started."
I was completely shocked, and probably should have turned around and walked away right then and there.
But then I wouldn't have such a great story for you folks!
So I sat down and attempted to make small talk:
"Have you been here before?"
"munch No munch munch munch"
"Oh, ok. Well, how was your day at work? Guess you were pretty busy?"
"munch munch No, it was fine. Why? munch"
"Well, you must have skipped lunch..."
"munch No, just hungry. munchity munch munch munch"
So, I ordered my meal and got my own salad to munch on while he regaled me with tales of his latest family vacation...
Now, remember Jersey Frog? And how I said you should be wary of adults who still live with their parents? I am officially extending this rule to include adults who still travel with their parents and bitch about it.
Granted, I still travel with my parents- because they can afford much nicer vacations than I can on my own. And yes, it can get irritating, but I suck it up because I love my parents and the fact that they are still willing to pay to take me to exotic locales.
See what I just did there? Interrupting my own conversation? That's exactly what Star Wars Frog did when he pulled out this gem in the middle of his fascinating vacation story:
"Sorry, I need to go to the bathroom."
Right. Now, as you may recall from previous experience, I just don't know when to quit. But I did have the common sense at this point to text my friend, who lives near the restaurant, to warn him that I would be coming over after dinner to consume his alcohol supply.
Upon Star Wars Frog's return from the restroom, he began to hum. First, under his breath. Then louder.
Loudly enough for the surrounding tables to hear and turn around to glare at us.
"Uh....what are you doing?" I asked with as much of a smile as I could muster through my gritted teeth.
"Oh...well, if I told you, it would probably scare you away."
"Try me."
"It's a song. From Star Wars. From the third movie..."
And then he goes into a long explanation of the exact location in the movie of the song. I fixed an interested half-smile on my face and let my eyes glaze over while I dreamed of all of the drinks I would make at Conveniently Located Friend's house
This conversation was mercifully interrupted by yet another bathroom break on the Frog's part.
From which he returned with his shirt tucked into his underwear.
I politely declined dessert and pleaded for the check with my eyes while Frog derided the role of my home state in the election of President George W. Bush loudly enough to elicit more awkward glares from surrounding tables.
Finally, the check was paid and we left. I asked which direction he was going so that I could ensure that I walked in the opposite direction. Rather then answer, he stuck out his hand, hailed a cab,
And got in. Without a single word.
All I could do was laugh as I jogged away to console myself with free alcohol.
Star Wars Frog was yet another eHarmony conquest, and he seemed perfect on paper- an older, relatively attractive (albeit short) Jewish documentary film maker with family money. On the phone, he sounded extremely intelligent and had an adorable stutter. (Yes, gentlemen who stutter- girls think it's adorable!)
The trouble began when I texted that I would be about 10 minutes late, as my train was deciding to take its good sweet time showing up.
When I finally arrived (exactly 10 minutes late), I walked over to the table to find that Star Wars Frog had his napkin tucked into his shirt and was nearly finished eating his salad. When he saw me, he was gracious enough to drop his fork momentarily to shake my hand and offer this charming statement:
"So, I already started."
I was completely shocked, and probably should have turned around and walked away right then and there.
But then I wouldn't have such a great story for you folks!
So I sat down and attempted to make small talk:
"Have you been here before?"
"munch No munch munch munch"
"Oh, ok. Well, how was your day at work? Guess you were pretty busy?"
"munch munch No, it was fine. Why? munch"
"Well, you must have skipped lunch..."
"munch No, just hungry. munchity munch munch munch"
So, I ordered my meal and got my own salad to munch on while he regaled me with tales of his latest family vacation...
Now, remember Jersey Frog? And how I said you should be wary of adults who still live with their parents? I am officially extending this rule to include adults who still travel with their parents and bitch about it.
Granted, I still travel with my parents- because they can afford much nicer vacations than I can on my own. And yes, it can get irritating, but I suck it up because I love my parents and the fact that they are still willing to pay to take me to exotic locales.
See what I just did there? Interrupting my own conversation? That's exactly what Star Wars Frog did when he pulled out this gem in the middle of his fascinating vacation story:
"Sorry, I need to go to the bathroom."
Right. Now, as you may recall from previous experience, I just don't know when to quit. But I did have the common sense at this point to text my friend, who lives near the restaurant, to warn him that I would be coming over after dinner to consume his alcohol supply.
Upon Star Wars Frog's return from the restroom, he began to hum. First, under his breath. Then louder.
Loudly enough for the surrounding tables to hear and turn around to glare at us.
"Uh....what are you doing?" I asked with as much of a smile as I could muster through my gritted teeth.
"Oh...well, if I told you, it would probably scare you away."
"Try me."
"It's a song. From Star Wars. From the third movie..."
And then he goes into a long explanation of the exact location in the movie of the song. I fixed an interested half-smile on my face and let my eyes glaze over while I dreamed of all of the drinks I would make at Conveniently Located Friend's house
This conversation was mercifully interrupted by yet another bathroom break on the Frog's part.
From which he returned with his shirt tucked into his underwear.
I politely declined dessert and pleaded for the check with my eyes while Frog derided the role of my home state in the election of President George W. Bush loudly enough to elicit more awkward glares from surrounding tables.
Finally, the check was paid and we left. I asked which direction he was going so that I could ensure that I walked in the opposite direction. Rather then answer, he stuck out his hand, hailed a cab,
And got in. Without a single word.
All I could do was laugh as I jogged away to console myself with free alcohol.
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I started the music and then read the post and just about peed my pants laughing. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteNext time any dude you go out with gets up to use the bathroom more than once, I'm pretty sure you are allowed to throw money on the table and leave while he's still in there. Yeah, I just checked my girl handbook, it's definitely allowed under rule #7 subsection D--"On Dating Douche bags..."
just curious, how old are you?
ReplyDeletenm, it says the age in your profile. so u like guys that are a bit older? say, 30? ;)
ReplyDeleteThis is so very clever! Loved the music!
ReplyDelete