Friday, May 21, 2010

A Confession

I must admit, my dear readers, that I have been misleading you over the last few weeks:

I have not been truly single. I was actually dating a gentleman who I will call Exotic Frog, as he hails from a mysterious, far-away land.

And yes, he has an accent. And is extremely sweet and patient and understanding and attractive...pretty much perfect in every way.

Except that he's...well...

Boring.

This guy carries on a conversation the way a rusty bucket carries water; he tries, but it just doesn't work. He has the uncanny ability to answer the most probing, open-ended questions with a simple yes or no before steering the conversation to such fascinating topics as "How was your day?" and "What class do you have tomorrow?"

I've never understood when people say that they like bad boys- it seemed so stupid. Why in the world would any girl in her right mind push aside a sweet, wonderful guy in favor of an asshole?

Well, now I know. At least assholes are entertaining.

At least I get good stories out of assholes.

In any case, I ended it with Exotic Frog this weekend, so now I'm free to go on even more miserable dates for your reading pleasure!

But first, stay tuned for Part II of the Spring Break from Hell...coming soon!

Friday, May 14, 2010

The Spring Break from Hell, Part I

Before I start this story, let me apologize for taking a bit of a break from blogging; I was busy GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE! As Conveniently Located Friend told me the night of graduation, "Even if you don't ever accomplish anything else in your life, at least you have a college degree!"

Quite the motivational speaker, that one...

The conferring of my undergraduate degree has me reminiscing about the beginning of my college career- an innocent time in which subways were foreboding tunnels of mystery, swiping my ID card in at the library was thrilling, and going to a Ukrainian diner for milkshakes at 4am seemed to be a perfectly reasonable thing to do. But my freshman year was not without its trials and tribulations.

As you may recall from this story, my first high school relationship got off to quite an...ummm...interesting start. But Broadway Frog and I did eventually start dating, and continued our relationship long distance when I moved to NYC for college and he stayed in our home state.

Living so far apart, we missed each other terribly, but only saw each other on school holidays. Broadway was your typical broke college student working in a restaurant on weekends, while I was lucky to have secured an interest-free loan from the Bank of Mom and Dad to support me through school. So for Broadway's birthday I surprised him with a trip to New York to visit me! I bought his plane ticket and tickets to two shows that I knew he would want to see. He was thrilled, and I was so excited I could hardly stand the month-long wait until his arrival and the subsequent departure of my virginity.

Well, we all know that didn't happen. But what did? Stay tuned to find out!