The Spring Break from Hell, Part II

The anxiously awaited day finally arrived- at T-minus 4 hours to Broadway's arrival, I went to my favorite salon to get my nails "did" (as we say down here beneath the Mason-Dixon), fixed my hair and makeup just so, and put on a brand new outfit made of one of Broadway's favorite fabrics in his favorite color.

I took the train to Newark Airport and nervously played with my hair and re-applied lipstick until his plane arrived. My heart was leaping from my chest as I imagined our reunion: I would run straight into his arms, where he would lift me into a passionate embrace and treat me to the type of kiss that makes cameras pan and spin.

When I saw his lithe form walking across the terminal, I prepared for my running leap,

then quickly backpedaled as I saw him in deep conversation with an "old friend" he had run into on the plane. When they finally completed their conversation, he obligingly turned his attention to me and gave me a sweet, yet completely undeserving of creative camera angles, kiss.

We chatted and held hands as we waited for his luggage, got in the cab, and drove back to my dorm, where Broadway promptly curled up on the couch we had set up for him and fell asleep.

"Alright, that's fine", I thought. "He's had a long day. We'll make up for it tomorrow!"

For you see, dear readers, Broadway was sleeping on the couch that night out of respect for Blonde Roommate (yep...we were randomly assigned as freshman roommates and have been attached at the hip ever since!). However, Blonde would be gone for the next few nights and had graciously given her consent for Broadway to sleep in her bed.

I hope I don't need to explain the thought process behind that.

So, the next morning, I woke Broadway up with the best wake-up call a man can get:

Tickets to The Lion King!

What did you think I was going to say?

Anyway, he was thrilled, and we had a wonderful time at the show, which he enjoyed immensely. All he could talk about the rest of the day was how much fun he had and how awesome I was. I wouldn't have been able to wipe the smile off my face with an ice skate blade.

Until I was.

After the show, I decided to take Broadway ice skating. We had tried to go a few times back home, but it had never worked out, so I figured this was a perfect opportunity. I am a decently okay figure skater (read: I can do basic jumps and spins, but they ain't pretty), and was looking forward to a romantic, hand-in-hand skate while I showed him the ropes.

Little did I know that he was a competitive roller-blader as a kid. He jumped on the ice at full speed and never even glanced back as I sullenly practiced my spins and jumps.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Really, Sexless? This is the Spring Break from Hell? I'll admit it's not picture perfect, but come on..."

Well, put yourself in the mindset of a lonely, virginal college freshman who has spent a large sum of cash to fly your long-distance boyfriend up to visit you, and all he has done the entire time is act standoffish. Wouldn't you be a little pissed?

Well, I was. But I wasn't giving up yet. Remember...this evening, the bedroom would be all mine, and I had quite an attention-grabber up my sleeve.

Unfortunately, I was the one whose attention would get a whiplash-inducing grab.