Cake Conundrum

Sometimes a frog does something so weird, so random, so downright strange that you can do nothing but stare at him in amazement and wonder how in the world you could be dating someone who would do something like that.

Let's take the case of Cake Frog. I had been on a few dates with him, and things were going well. His only real flaw at this point seemed to be chronic extreme tardiness- we're talking 2 or 3 hours late for plans.

When I invited him over for dinner at my place with some friends, I begged him to be on time because I wanted him to make a good impression on my friends...

By which, of course, I mean The Roommates.

Hell hath no fury like roommates who don't like your new date.

He promised that he would be on time, even early. In addition, he promised that he would bring a homemade cake. He boasted about his secret recipe to making a delicious vegan banana-filled layer cake, which sounded intriguing, if not delicious, because really?

Vegan cake? It's like decaffeinated coffee- it works, but what's the point?

But I digress.

So, the big day finally comes. I get a call an hour before dinner from Cake Frog saying that he'll be a few minutes late because he is dropping his sister off at a friend's house and still needs to run home to get the cake.

Alright, I say. That's fine. He's helping out family, and he called in advance.

An hour passes. Then two. I call again. He's hit traffic and will be another hour.

Mind you he lives in Queens. Remember our geography lesson? There would have had to have been a 75 car pile up hit by a train on fire during a hail storm to keep someone in traffic for three hours.

I'm starting to get very nervous. Then he finally shows up

With a beautiful white cake box, inside of which was a perfectly decorated layer cake resting on a silver doily.

He apologized profusely for being late and immediately began trying to charm my roommates when Brunette asked what had made him so late (subtle, that one...)

"Oh, I had to drop my sister off at a friend's. And I was working so hard on this cake..."

Brunette stares at it and asks, as sweetly as she can, "Wow! You made that?"

"Yes," he grins proudly. "And there's no butter and no eggs."

"Amazing!" adds Blonde. "And what's inside?"

"Bananas" states Cake Frog.

When we finally slice into the cake, we discover that, not only is it WAY too fluffy to be vegan, but the filling is

Strawberries and Pineapple.

As soon as Cake Frog departs, the Roommates descend on the cake remains of the cake like buzzards.

"There is NO way he made that! It looks too nice!"

"He didn't even know what was in it!"

"He was three hours late and didn't even bother to bring a homemade cake?"

"And then OBVIOUSLY lied about it?"

"Why would someone do that?!?!"

Dear reader, rest assured that I did not stick around long enough to find out what would possess a person to do such a silly, silly thing...