Like dating, only faster

and more contrived. And expensive.

"All the stress and humiliation of a blind date, times twelve"- Frasier

Such is the world of speed dating.

It seems like a pretty good concept- instead of milling around a bar, thinking up convoluted ways to talk to people who may not even be interested in dating, you are seated for a set period of time across the table from someone who is definitely interested in dating and cannot run away.

Or so I thought until my most recent speed dating encounter.

I've been to a number of these events. Some were fun, some were dull, very few resulted in an actual date with any of the participants (and one that did was bad enough that it will definitely be featured on this blog at a later date...). But this particular speed dating event takes the cake.

Or the pie.

In the face.

I walked into the bar, a very nice little place which would end up being the best find of the night, to discover a group of lovely, well-dressed ladies looking sad and desperate. Even though that's basically what people who speed date are, I had never seen anyone actually looking that way- the normal look is more hopeful and desperate.

Then I met the hostess, who admitted that she had recently gotten the position off of Craigslist and had no idea what she was doing.

Ah ha!

In addition, there were way more women than men, so some of the women had to sit out during dating rounds and stare awkwardly at the wall.

Awesome.

I sat out first, and was given a complimentary glass of champagne by the (very cute, very uninterested) bartender because he felt sorry for me. I was feeling sorry for myself, but hopeful that I would find a very cute, very interested guy when I finally got into the game.

The first guy I met was cute, charming, funny, and gainfully employed. I was definitely starting to get my hopes up when he mentioned that he had found out about the evening's event through a friend of his,

The event organizer.

I thought that was a little suspicious, but I moved on to the next gentleman.

Who said the exact same thing.

Turns out, the only guy who had not been coerced into coming because they happened to be friends with the organizer was a recently single male friend who I had brought along, and had no intention of "dating".

But, because Flighty Craigslist Hostess was disorganized, we ended up on an especially long "date", during which she came over to tell us how she thought that speed dating was total bullshit and that we were stupid for having paid money to do what could be done for free at a bar.

Charming.

I had pretty much lost all hope (and patience) by my last date with yet another guy who had been coerced into coming to give us poor sad female saps some hope, and what little hope I had was dashed once I sat down.

And the guy shot up and asked if he could leave.

Fabulous.

And after all of this, I couldn't even convince the bartender to give me another pity drink.

Terrific.