Reflections

I'll go ahead and admit it- I am a full-blown, bona-fide Gleek. I love everything about Glee- the storylines, the music, the acting...occasionally the lack thereof. And seeing as how I haven't been dating lately (blah blah blah grad school blah blah blah work blah blah blah I'd really just rather stay home), I have had a lot of time to watch (and reflect upon) Glee.

Nota Bene: If you've never seen Glee, or if you don't like it, you'll probably want to skip this post. I'll try my hardest to snag myself an interesting date for your reading pleasure real soon...

Particularly the appearance of not one, but TWO adult female virgins! When Emma Pillsbury (played by Jayma Mays) admitted to being a virgin last season, I immediately began scouring the internet for opinions. What did people think? Were they shocked? Angry? Disgusted? Did they even care?

Apparently, not really. I have not been able to find a single comment, negative or positive, on this development, on the ENTIRE INTERNET!

Ok, on the first page of a Google search of "emma pillsbury virgin". Same diff.

But I was shocked. Sure, this woman has some serious issues, but she's sweet and gorgeous and thin- I would have thought at least ONE man would have had sex with her in spite of her issues.

But not a one. Not even sweet Will Schuester (Matthew Morrison). And no one on the internet finds this mentionable. It's as if this is totally and completely expected...

In which case I am SOOO totally screwed. I may as well be Coach Beiste (Dot-Marie Jones), McKinley High School's startlingly masculine football coach, whose physical appearance is supposedly so abhorrent as to be able to calm the raging sex hormones of the school's teenagers. She admitted two episodes ago that she has never been kissed, and was subsequently granted a tender peck by (apparent virgin magnet) Mr. Schuester.

What does the Internet have to say about this? They mostly feel bad for Coach Beiste because her first kiss was a "pity kiss". Which, I admit, was pretty much my feeling, too.

However, a few folks have chimed in that the kiss in question might not have been a pity kiss at all. It could have been a friendly, platonic kiss. There might have even been some romantic intention...

To which I say bullshit. First of all, a platonic kiss on the lips? Call me old fashioned, but I don't go around kissing my platonic male friends on the lips. And romantic intention? The man wouldn't even mess with the hot virgin!!!

But you know what? The fact that he's been messing with virgins at all is good enough for me. Because even though popular media is portraying adult victims of unintentional virginity as neurotic and/or unattractive, the fact that they are being portrayed at all gives me a solid case of the warm fuzzies.

And isn't that what television is supposed to do?

Out of the mouths of babes...

When I'm not out trolling for gentleman (gentle-ing for trolls would be more like it...), I work as a private duty nurse. One of my clients, an older woman, likes for me to sit with her during meals and chat. We discuss a variety of topics, and today she broached the subject of my love life:

Client: So, do you have a boyfriend?

Me: No, not right now.

Client: You know, that's the problem with your generation. You're all looking for love. Love isn't what's important. It's good communication and great sex.

Me: (stifling a laugh by stuffing cereal into my mouth) So, you think communication and sex are more important than love?

Client: (shrugs) What is love? I don't know, and I've been married and had lovers. Did I love them? Who knows? But I enjoyed talking to them and sleeping with them.


May I someday have as vital a "love" life as my dear client.

Apparently, my blog is in communication with species from another planet

w I7( ?? y??????? DE?A??X?.??s ?lN???2; B????? z?A??N? ]?a?i ???r?;?.?@?7(????a{ ??y?<]v? ? ? ?A??? J???? d~??? ] ???9H?@ ?tP> ??

Or, I tried to post to my blog from my phone, and it didn't work.

One or the other.

Here's what this post was ACTUALLY supposed to say:

In a cab right now. The cabbie is definitely hitting on me:

"What's your name? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you like Indian food?" says the (Indian) cab driver.

I'm playing along...what else am I gonna do while trapped in a cab? Blog? (Editor's note: Apparently, can't do that either...)

Then he asks my age. So I coyly reply, "Guess.."

He guessed 35!!!!!! Then mentioned that drinking Diet Coke makes you fat! Guess what I'm drinking right now!!!!

Smooth, Cabbie frog...real smooth. You don't even get a fake number now...

(Editor's note, part 2: Although he did give me his "business card" at the end of the ride, which I promptly trashed.)

How to lose a girl in 10 seconds

As you may have noticed from the lack of posts lately, I have not been dating recently. Not that I don't want to, but with starting school and a new job, I just haven't had the time.

But now that things are finally starting to calm down, I am back on the prowl. Blonde Roommate suggested I try OkCupid for my next venture, so I put up a profile, answering questions like "What do you like to do on Friday nights?" by explaining that I often throw a potluck dinner for my friends, and other things like that which make me awesome.

Less than an hour later, I had a new message in my inbox.

Woohoo! Maybe this is the website I've been looking for!

What did the message say?

"Whoa pot luck dinners? R u 50? Ha"

Charming...

An Oldie, but a Goodie

Wow...it's been a long time since my last post! I don't really have an excuse, except for this week, when my adorable 3-year-old goddaughter came to visit (with her parents, of course...but she's much cuter).

As I was chasing this beautiful baby girl around New York City, I realized that the experience was very similar to being on a date- it's a very exciting prospect which sometimes becomes a wonderful, magical experience, but sometimes just tires you out and wears you down until you just want to crawl under your comforter for a week to get some peace and quiet

You may have noticed that the majority of my dates are in the later category.

Including one which took place many moons ago (about three years, to be precise). I had recently attended my very first speed dating event, where I met a guy who we'll call Bob the Builder Frog, as an homage to his job in construction and the fact that I watched way too much Nick Jr. this weekend. Bob seemed nice enough during our five minute conversation, so I agreed to meet him for drinks later that week.

Bob emailed me and asked if I liked beer. I told him that I did not. He then suggested a bar in the West Village well known for its beer variety. I reiterated that I do not like beer.

"Oh" he said, "Well, I think they have wine, too"

Turns out they did have wine- one type of red sold by the glass from a bottle that tasted like it had been left out for days. I sipped from my glass sullenly while I waited for Bob to show up. When he finally approached, I was shocked by how much shorter he was than I had remembered.

Well, I am on a barstool...

So I climbed down...and realized that he was still a solid 6 inches shorter than me. And I was wearing flats.

I guess I should have thought to stand up at some point during our speed date.

We proceeded to a table where he ordered three different beers "so I could try them".

Did I mention I don't like beer?

I could tell this was not going to be a very productive evening, but figured I might as well see if I could get some free appetizers or something out of it.

That didn't happen, of course, but I did find out that Bob can down him some beer, and that he has tattoos on his calf and his shoulder, neither of which his parents know about.

Which is interesting, because he

Say it with me now!

LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS!

I really need to start making different mistakes...

Anyway, the date ended abruptly when I went to the restroom and came back to Bob already standing and heading towards the door, having thrown some cash onto the table.

His last words before he turned and walked away?

"Nice to meet you. You can finish my beer if you want."

A Modest Proposal

Loyal Readers, I am happy to inform you that Librarian Frog has been officially dumped back into the dating pond.

But not without a final dose of supreme awkwardness...

Sunday afternoon marked Date #4, and I was completely prepared to enjoy a delicious lunch (because I picked the restaurant) and then politely inform Librarian that I did not ever want to see him again.

But my plan was foiled when I turned the corner to the restaurant and saw him waiting outside

with flowers.

Call me a softy, but I just can't bring myself to tell a guy who has just brought me flowers to take a hike...

So we finally reach the end of the date. He attempts to make out with me in front of the building where the family I was about to meet for a potential babysitting job lives, then he proceeds to grab my shoulders, look me straight in the eyes, and say

"I think we should make this official"

wha wha wha WHAT?!?!?!

My incredibly eloquent response? "I...ummm...gotta go!"

At which point I turned, ran into the building, gave the flowers to my potential employer (it was, coincidentally, her birthday, so bonus points for me!) and began to draft the "it's not you...well, actually, it is you" email that I sent today.

A Dilemma

We are now approaching date #4 with Librarian Frog, and frankly, I don't know what to do about this one...

You see, I'm used to my usual pattern of one or two dates, followed by some crazy and ridiculous happening on the part of the Frog that makes it very easy for me to run screaming into the hills (or across avenues, as the case may be).

Don't get me wrong; Librarian has had his fair share of weirdness- the stalker phone calls continued until the second date, at which point I told him to cease and desist. But then he just came up with new ways to be clingy. Note that these events happened after date #3:

Example #1: We're chatting online, sending links to each other with date activity suggestions, and he sends me a link to a weekend wine tour in the Finger Lakes of Upstate New York. I respond that I don't think I know him well enough to go on a weekend trip. He responds, "Maybe next month".

Example #2: I am discussing a kayaking trip that a friend and I have been planning for weeks, and Librarian Frog says, "Well, it's a good thing you didn't invite me, because I'm scared of water."

Why in the WORLD would I invite someone I've met three times to come with me on a previously-arranged day trip? Who in their right mind goes on a weekend trip with someone they've only met THREE TIMES?!?!?

Also, who develops a phobia to water after falling out of a bunk bed during a storm on a cruise at the age of nine? Yes, that was Librarian's explanation for his fear of water...

sigh On the other hand (paw? flipper? webbed foot? What is that part of frog anatomy called?), he is a good conversationalist and is obviously either really interested or really desperate (and what's the difference, really?), so I feel bad turning those good traits down...

Yet I have a feeling that this Librarian could very easily recategorize himself from "Goofy Romantic" to "Creepy Glenn-Close-in-Fatal-Attraction Psycho".

I think it's time to hop to the next lily pad...