Monday, August 30, 2010

An Oldie, but a Goodie

Wow...it's been a long time since my last post! I don't really have an excuse, except for this week, when my adorable 3-year-old goddaughter came to visit (with her parents, of course...but she's much cuter).

As I was chasing this beautiful baby girl around New York City, I realized that the experience was very similar to being on a date- it's a very exciting prospect which sometimes becomes a wonderful, magical experience, but sometimes just tires you out and wears you down until you just want to crawl under your comforter for a week to get some peace and quiet

You may have noticed that the majority of my dates are in the later category.

Including one which took place many moons ago (about three years, to be precise). I had recently attended my very first speed dating event, where I met a guy who we'll call Bob the Builder Frog, as an homage to his job in construction and the fact that I watched way too much Nick Jr. this weekend. Bob seemed nice enough during our five minute conversation, so I agreed to meet him for drinks later that week.

Bob emailed me and asked if I liked beer. I told him that I did not. He then suggested a bar in the West Village well known for its beer variety. I reiterated that I do not like beer.

"Oh" he said, "Well, I think they have wine, too"

Turns out they did have wine- one type of red sold by the glass from a bottle that tasted like it had been left out for days. I sipped from my glass sullenly while I waited for Bob to show up. When he finally approached, I was shocked by how much shorter he was than I had remembered.

Well, I am on a barstool...

So I climbed down...and realized that he was still a solid 6 inches shorter than me. And I was wearing flats.

I guess I should have thought to stand up at some point during our speed date.

We proceeded to a table where he ordered three different beers "so I could try them".

Did I mention I don't like beer?

I could tell this was not going to be a very productive evening, but figured I might as well see if I could get some free appetizers or something out of it.

That didn't happen, of course, but I did find out that Bob can down him some beer, and that he has tattoos on his calf and his shoulder, neither of which his parents know about.

Which is interesting, because he

Say it with me now!

LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS!

I really need to start making different mistakes...

Anyway, the date ended abruptly when I went to the restroom and came back to Bob already standing and heading towards the door, having thrown some cash onto the table.

His last words before he turned and walked away?

"Nice to meet you. You can finish my beer if you want."

Thursday, August 5, 2010

A Modest Proposal

Loyal Readers, I am happy to inform you that Librarian Frog has been officially dumped back into the dating pond.

But not without a final dose of supreme awkwardness...

Sunday afternoon marked Date #4, and I was completely prepared to enjoy a delicious lunch (because I picked the restaurant) and then politely inform Librarian that I did not ever want to see him again.

But my plan was foiled when I turned the corner to the restaurant and saw him waiting outside

with flowers.

Call me a softy, but I just can't bring myself to tell a guy who has just brought me flowers to take a hike...

So we finally reach the end of the date. He attempts to make out with me in front of the building where the family I was about to meet for a potential babysitting job lives, then he proceeds to grab my shoulders, look me straight in the eyes, and say

"I think we should make this official"

wha wha wha WHAT?!?!?!

My incredibly eloquent response? "I...ummm...gotta go!"

At which point I turned, ran into the building, gave the flowers to my potential employer (it was, coincidentally, her birthday, so bonus points for me!) and began to draft the "it's not you...well, actually, it is you" email that I sent today.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

A Dilemma

We are now approaching date #4 with Librarian Frog, and frankly, I don't know what to do about this one...

You see, I'm used to my usual pattern of one or two dates, followed by some crazy and ridiculous happening on the part of the Frog that makes it very easy for me to run screaming into the hills (or across avenues, as the case may be).

Don't get me wrong; Librarian has had his fair share of weirdness- the stalker phone calls continued until the second date, at which point I told him to cease and desist. But then he just came up with new ways to be clingy. Note that these events happened after date #3:

Example #1: We're chatting online, sending links to each other with date activity suggestions, and he sends me a link to a weekend wine tour in the Finger Lakes of Upstate New York. I respond that I don't think I know him well enough to go on a weekend trip. He responds, "Maybe next month".

Example #2: I am discussing a kayaking trip that a friend and I have been planning for weeks, and Librarian Frog says, "Well, it's a good thing you didn't invite me, because I'm scared of water."

Why in the WORLD would I invite someone I've met three times to come with me on a previously-arranged day trip? Who in their right mind goes on a weekend trip with someone they've only met THREE TIMES?!?!?

Also, who develops a phobia to water after falling out of a bunk bed during a storm on a cruise at the age of nine? Yes, that was Librarian's explanation for his fear of water...

sigh On the other hand (paw? flipper? webbed foot? What is that part of frog anatomy called?), he is a good conversationalist and is obviously either really interested or really desperate (and what's the difference, really?), so I feel bad turning those good traits down...

Yet I have a feeling that this Librarian could very easily recategorize himself from "Goofy Romantic" to "Creepy Glenn-Close-in-Fatal-Attraction Psycho".

I think it's time to hop to the next lily pad...